Remember how I told you here, that someone I know had a near death experience? Well, I still can’t divulge who it is, it’s too close to home and I’d like to respect this person’s and her family’s privacy. Although those who know me or have been on twitter about 2 months ago would know who I’m referring to. Anyway, I’ve only been in to visit her three times, since the day she was admitted. Not because I didn’t care about her, but more so because, I didn’t know what to do or what to say when I do visit her. Plus my kids and I took turns to have a cold and you’re not allowed to be near her when you’re sick. You see, she had a brain aneurysm. When I first saw her after finding out on the day she was rushed in, it was shocking. It was sad, unbelievable and disheartening to see someone I know, who was strong, lively and practical, be so helpless, unconscious and strapped up by so many tubes. Most of my friends know that I don’t cry easily, I don’t show my emotions openly, even though I am a very sensitive person. It’s just how I am. When I saw this person, I was floored, it was just so very sad, that I couldn’t stop crying, even when I was on the train, on my way home from seeing her. I was worried. Worried that she might not live. Worried that this person whom I wasn’t that close to but have started to understand, before this happened, would just die.Because it’s just sh*t when you lose someone you’ve just begun to understand and know.

Anyway, I started doing some research on the prognosis, making myself even sadder and more worried. I visited her a few more times, and the last time I did, she was beginning to recover. She had started to open her eyes. She had started responding by licking her lips, when she’s saying “yes”. A great start? I sure hope so.

Her family’s life has changed completely. Their daily routine consists of going in to see her EVERYDAY. Including her two children, who go in after dinner. At first I couldn’t understand why her husband would insist on having the kids there everyday. I thought that would be so emotionally disheartening for them. That they needed some semblance of normality. In fact, I even discussed it with my husband – that if it happened to me, to not let my kids me visit everyday. That they needed some routine. That they don’t need to be bogged down by my demise. That is, until today.

Somehow, I had this urge to visit her. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the dream I had. The stupid premonition that her brain had some fluid again and needed to be drained – which by the way did happen a few days later. Hence I said premonition. Maybe it’s the guilt that I haven’t been in because I was scared. Scared because I didn’t want her to see that I was well and happy and she wasn’t. Scared because I knew I couldn’t do anything or say anything to make things better. But I did. And I was glad I did. It changed my whole perspective again. I offered her Mum to bring her grandkids over to my place. To give them a break. Then I realised why they’d rather be there. They WANTED to be with their Mum, and their dad wanted them to be with their Mum. They would lie there, next to their Mum whenever they visit. I understood then. I was standing in their shoes then. I was standing in HER shoes. I realised, that if it did happen to me, I WOULD want my kids to be there everyday. I wouldn’t want them to be deprived of not being able to see their Mum. Especially when things are still critical, when it’s still iffy. When you don’t know if you’d make it. It’s hard but then, these are the things that make you wonder. What if? It makes you appreciate what you’ve got. Makes you realise your problems are so mediocre and petty compared to this.

So now, here’s the thing – what do I say when I’m there? What do you say to a person who, before this happened, was the one who did all the talking and sharing? Do I tell her what’s been going on in the outside world – as in the trivial celebrity stuff? Do I tell her the good things too and make it seem as normal as possible? What should I say to make things a little bit better?